


Taboo

by x_jeanne_x



Series: Final Fantasy VII Prompts & Oneshots [1]
Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Emotional Hurt, Established Relationship, Language, Loss, Multi, Turkfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-03-09 19:56:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18923992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/x_jeanne_x/pseuds/x_jeanne_x
Summary: There are things the Turks didn't speak of. But after watching Tseng suffering for three years, Reno finally got him to talk.





	Taboo

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Deutsch available: [Taboo (transl.)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19397287) by [x_jeanne_x](https://archiveofourown.org/users/x_jeanne_x/pseuds/x_jeanne_x)



> Oh wow, this is the first piece of fiction I've uploaded somewhere in years, and also the first work in English I'm sharing - bear with me, I'm not a native speaker.  
> Anyway, that's what happens when you get to choose out of a pool of word prompts - "taboo" is what I've selected from them.

December - Reno knew it was that day again the moment he saw the haunted look on Tseng’s face. Knew it when, after waking up, the first things his boss did was steal one of his cheap cigarettes - normally the black-haired man was only an occasional smoker, mostly at social events, and exclusively high quality stuff. Knew it when he smelled the booze mixed into the Wutaian’s coffee, which was usually black, never with milk or sugar.  
Reno also knew that some events and certain names were not to be mentioned in Tseng’s presence. Ever. And especially not on that date. Unless one had a death wish. While the other Turks knew when to shut up, Reno had learned that the hard way.  
  
Reno remembered September, three years ago.  
It was the first time he had noticed Tseng pretty obviously bending probably all possible ShinRa rules when he mobilised his most trustworthy party of the department to find Fair and Strife before the other ShinRa troops did. To get them out of the line of fire - alive. Only when they had to report the failure of their mission later, he realised that Tseng wasn’t the perfect Turk he let everyone think he was. Only then he really understood this had been a personal request. That there had been a bond of camaraderie, maybe even friendship, connecting the stoic, calculating agent and the hyperactive, friendly SOLDIER. The day they told him that SOLDIER First Class Zack Fair was dead, Reno had seen Tseng’s carefully maintained cold facade crack a little for the first time.  
  
Reno remembered late January, two years ago.  
It was the first day the doctors had allowed his boss to work again after being confined to bed for more than a month due to the injuries he had sustained from Sephiroth during his mission in the Temple of the Ancients - strictly limited to office work, of course. Reno had wanted to deliver the latest mission reports and had, after nodding to Tuesti outside the door, stomped into Tseng’s office as he always did: without a care in the world and completely lacking tact. He had only caught a glimpse of an utterly dishevelled Wutaian man and an I-can't-deal-with-your-shit-right-now-aura around him before he was thrown out again - not that Reno had felt capable of handling the older Turk in that moment anyway. Only when, by accident, he had found Tseng hyperventilating in the bathroom later, he had realised his boss hadn’t been informed about the flower girl’s death until then. That day, Reno had seen Tseng lose his composure for the first time.  
  
Reno remembered December, two years ago.  
It had been exactly one year since the girl’s death - not that Reno had remembered that date as something significant, as no one in their department indulged in sentimental talk of past times. Not until he had entered Tseng’s office and found him in a similar state to a few months ago. Not being thrown out immediately this time, the red-haired didn’t sense the danger radiating from his boss when he just couldn’t keep his mouth shut and made a comment he couldn’t even remember anymore about the dead Cetra woman. He had woken up again in a hospital room with a broken nose, a broken arm and a bullet in his stomach. That day, Reno had felt the effects of Tseng losing control for the first time.  
  
Reno remembered December, one year ago.  
Lately, they had started to wake up in the same bed more often than not. And that was why Reno had realised pretty soon which day it was. From what had happened exactly one year ago, he for once knew better and decided not to comment on Tseng’s current state of mind, even if he was curious why his boss, after two years, was still mourning Aerith Gainsborough. Reno suspected there were things he didn’t know or had never cared enough to notice, but he didn’t have the guts to ask. That day, Reno had felt helpless when he saw Tseng having an emotional breakdown for the first time.  
  
Today though, Reno decided that he didn’t want to keep quiet. While he was known to be ruthless, cruel and insensitive, there were a few persons he cared for, where even he was capable of being compassionate, without making a joke out of everything. And at the moment, he somehow needed to prevent his boss… no, right now his partner, he corrected, from getting swallowed by grief and self-hate. It was a Sunday, and that meant that there also wouldn’t be any work as a distraction for Tseng. They hadn’t spoken yet, which was unusual for Reno - all he had done until now was silently watching the Wutaian gulp down his spiked coffee and steal another cigarette. Watching Tseng looking out of the window, not even acknowledging his presence, the hand holding the cigarette slightly trembling. With crossed arms, Reno leant back on the kitchen chair he was sitting on, boring his eyes into the older man’s back, for once thinking carefully about what he said next. “Yo, bo-... Tseng…” Well, by his standards, anyway. “Ya really wanna spend your day like this?” he asked.  
No answer, but another pull on the cigarette. “Yo, are ya listening?” the redhead tried again after a few seconds.  
  
Still nothing. Nothing apart from a small, nearly imperceptible tension of Tseng’s shoulders. Which didn’t go unnoticed by Reno - he was a Turk, after all. He wanted to open his mouth again… “Reno.” Tseng’s unusual hoarse voice was barely audible. “Don’t. Or do you want a repetition of two years ago?” he asked, but his whole posture made this sound like an empty threat, and him still being dressed in only shorts and a wrinkled, sloppily buttoned shirt also didn't exactly help on that account. That encouraged Reno, who had waited for a moment to assess the other’s mood, to stand up. “Why're ya so intent on suffering all by yaself?” He noticed Tseng narrowing his eyes when he stepped forward and put his hand on the slightly taller man's shoulder.  
“It's been three years, man,” he continued. “Ya know, maybe finally talking to someone would make it easier." Not that Reno had experience with that himself, he thought, and remembered how pushing that fucking button and with that, dropping the whole Sector 7 Plate, still gave him nightmares, freaked him out. But he had never talked to anyone about it - it was their job to function, to follow orders, regardless of the task. Without questions. Regardless of what that did to one's head. If one couldn't… Well, those weren't on the job very long. Reno knew that. Tseng knew that. But this wasn't about being a Turk. Wasn't about coping with the aftermath of a mission.  
  
A deep breath next to Reno - Tseng trying to keep his calm, glancing at him. “Are you really suggesting that this ‘someone’ should be you, Reno? Absolutely not.” He sighed. “You’re the most insensitive person I know. Give me one reason why, out of all people, I should talk to you?”  
Reno watched him for a moment, squeezed his shoulder. “Yo, that’s harsh,” he commented. “Maybe ya should talk to me ‘cause I’m the one seeing ya like this for the third year now. ‘Cause ya don’t have to struggle alone.” A short pause. “‘Cause yer guy here has enough of feeling fucking useless on these days. Has enough of watching his partner wallow in self-pity year after year. For fuck’s sake, give me some credit, Tseng. Even I know when not to gossip.”  
After these words, the two stared at each other - both noticing this was probably the first time that Reno, maybe not intentionally, openly acknowledged them having some sort of relationship.  
  
Another tired sigh, shoulders slumping. “Your language is abysmal, Reno,” Tseng declared with a shake of his head and looked away again, thinking. “By the Goddess, please don’t let me regret this,” he murmured after a minute and looked back to Reno, who, unusual for him, waited patiently for a reply. “I swear, if you spill so much as one word, I will kill you. I don’t care if you called yourself my partner just now - if I get the impression you couldn’t keep your mouth shut, you’re a dead man. Is that clear?” Oh, that was Tseng for you, Reno thought. Only that man could pull off such a speech while being slightly drunk _and_ in a state of emotional distress.  
Reno released a breath he didn’t know he was holding and gave a small nod. “I’m not a complete bastard.” A snort. “ _That_ is debatable,” Tseng noted and turned around, taking one last pull on his cigarette. “Come. If we’re going to have this… heart-to-heart-talk, I prefer to be more comfortable.” Reno watched the Wutaian examining the bottle of booze, then grabbing it. “And I will need this.”  
  
They sat in the living room for hours during which Reno got to know about things in Tseng’s life he had never considered possible. Not for the person who had always been the perfect Turk in Reno’s eyes. He was surprised to learn that Tseng had known Aerith since she had been a little child, and that it had been his suggestion to let her grow up outside of the company, with only the Turks guarding her, their deal being that she would come willingly when she became old enough for Hojo’s “research”. That he, because they had formed some sort of friendship, had turned a blind eye on the relationship between the SOLDIER and the Cetra, had even agreed to keep an eye on Aerith while the boy was on a mission - from which, how it turned out, he never returned.  
Tseng told Reno that he still had her eighty-eight letters for Zack locked away in his office drawer, because he didn’t have the heart to open or destroy them. And that he ultimately blamed himself for Fair’s death. Told him he could have actually managed to get to the SOLDIER after his escape from Nibelheim, but was too much of a coward to do so. Justified his inaction as sense of duty towards ShinRa - helping the escapees would have been treason, after all. When he finally had the balls to do something and had given the order to Cissnei, Rude and Reno, it had already been too late, the other troops had found the “escaped subjects” first. Tseng hadn't been able to perform his guard duty for Aerith from that day on and completely distributed it to the other Turks - not only because he couldn’t tell the flower girl about her boyfriend’s death and his part in it, that he wasn’t able to save him, but also because, over years of neglection, they had developed a certain attraction to each other. At that time Tseng, usually completely devoted to this job, had felt the need to distance himself from Aerith, or he would have given in at some point. Who knows what would have happened if things had been different?  
He had seen her again the day he was ordered to finally bring her in for the “experiments”. The day the Plate fell. Still torn between his job and affection for her, he had been unnecessarily cruel to Aerith on that day. Tseng told Reno that he still felt guilty about slapping her for calling out to her friends. Felt even more guilt when later on, she wasn’t even mad at him, just the girl she had always been. Who even had the nerve to ask him for one more night in freedom before she would surrender to ShinRa. With that typical sweet, disarming smile of hers. Of course Tseng couldn’t deny her that request, even if he had known that he couldn’t allow her to roam the city. Not with all the chaos of Sector 7 and ShinRa troops all over Midgar. He said his memories were a little hazy, as he couldn’t remember why he thought it a good idea that his apartment would be a safe place, where he could keep an eye on her. And he still couldn’t comprehend why the flower girl had agreed to that. Tseng hated himself for his lack of self-control when they had ended up spending the night together. Hated himself because she had been his job and he, at least, should have known better than to give in to her charms.  
For obvious reasons, at that point, Tseng hadn’t minded that Strife and his group freed Aerith and the giant cat only a short time later - even his worst enemies wouldn’t deserve Hojo experimenting on them. At that time, he hadn’t known that he had seen Aerith Gainsborough for the last time.  
While she had been chasing Sephiroth with Strife and his party, he had tried to cope with everything, get a grip on his life again, establish a daily routine, just to distract himself from overthinking things. That had been the reason why Tseng was so obsessed with performing one mission after another during that time, and why he ended up being stabbed by the mad, rogue SOLDIER, nearly dying on that mission in the Temple. She hadn’t been so lucky - he had learned that from Tuesti the first day he was allowed to work again - more than a month later. Tseng still wasn’t able to describe the horror he felt when he heard those words, and finished with just “You know the rest.”  
  
Reno actually had managed to keep his mouth shut until Tseng had gone quiet, and only the various expressions on his face had shown that he'd been listening intently. The younger man exhaled slowly. "Shit, that’s fucked up, man… How the hell have ya been able to keep up for so long?" Again, a long, shaky sigh. "Believe me, I've been asking myself the same thing for the last three years, Reno."  
That day, Reno found out Tseng wasn’t such a perfect Turk after all.


End file.
